Itchy trigger finger
Morris: “Mommy, will you play with me?”
Me: “Sure.”
He hands me a nerf gun. I pretend to shoot him with it.
Morris: “NO! We don’t shoot your chother! We’re on the same team!”
Posts Tagged: Morris – 3 years old
Let’s just say that “vegetarian” isn’t his default setting
Morris: “Mommy, you want to kill Mary’s little lamb with me?”
I knew I should have gone with “Pretty Pretty Princess”
Morris: “What’s your real name?”
Me: “Ummm… Goober Schnauben.”
Morris: “No, what’s your real name?”
Me: “Goober Schnauben.”
Morris: “No, what’s your real name?”
Me: “Goober Schnauben.”
Morris: “No, what’s your real name?”
Me: “Goober Schnauben.”
Morris: “No, what’s your real name?”
Me: “Goober Schnauben.”
Morris: “No, what’s your REAL name?”
Me: “Erin Jean Helen Whalen.”
Morris: “No, say Goober Schnauby again!”
Arithmepoop
Morris: “Mommy, do you know what Daddy plus Daddy equals?”
Me: “Nope.”
Morris: “Daddy plus Daddy equals Mommy! And Mommy plus Mommy equals Morris!”
Me: “I’m not sure you’ve got your figures straight.”
Morris: “And poo plus poo equals diarrhea!”
Me: “Um, I don’t think I like where this is going…”
Milo: “NO, Morris. Poo plus pee equals diarrhea. Everyone knows that!”
Cry havoc and let loose the dudes of war
Milo and Morris come running into my room without their shirts on.
Milo: “Morris is Invincible Boy and I’m Invincible Man.”
Me: “I see.”
Milo shows me the missile he’s drawn on his arm. “See this? It means I’m strong and quick. Pew! Pew!”
Morris: “And I can wiggle my belly!” He starts rolling his abdominal muscles. “When I pull it back, water comes out! Sssssssh!!!”
Me: “What, out of your belly button?”
Morris nods vigorously. “And fire comes out the top part. So you’d better stay away from me!”
Me: “Oh I will, Invincible Boy. I will.”
The Wonderpoops
Morris: “What’s going to work? Poopy work! What’s going to work? Poopy work!”
And so betwixt them both they licked the platter clean.
Morris: “Mommy, I wish the earth was made of meat because then I would eat it all up!”
Milo: “I wish it was made of broccoli. Yeah, delicious broccoli. Yum!”
Cue the Exorcist theme
Morris: “Mommy, I wish our heads could turn around and around.”
Me: “You mean, all the way around in a circle?”
Morris: “Uh huh. They only go from side to side. That’s too bad.”
Me: “Why would you want your head to turn around in the circle?”
Morris: “So I could see if any bad guys are sneaking up on me.”
You can see how he might have confused the two
Morris: “Mommy, you’re so dumb.”
Me: “Morris! No more calling people dumb — it’s not nice! The next time you do it you get an automatic timeout, do you understand?”
Morris: “Mommy, I forgot that I wanted to say ‘I love you.'”
Their mews are worse than their bite
Morris: “ROAR!!!”
Me: “Meh.”
Milo: “ROOOOAR!!!”
Me: “Meh.”
Morris: “ROOOOOOOARRRR!!!”
Me: “Meh.”
Milo: “RRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOARRRR!!!”
Me: “Meh.”
Morris, whispering: “Mew.”
Me: “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!”
Both boys: HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA!
