Morris: “Mommy, I love you.”
Me: “Yay!”
Morris: “Just a little bit.”
Me: “What? You only love me a little bit?”
Morris: “Just a little little bit.”
Me: “Oh, boo hoo hoo hoo hoo.”
Morris: “Don’t cry, Mommy! I love you a lotsa bit.
At the dinner table…
Morris spoons a pile of pico gallo (rice and black beans) into his mouth, makes a face, and spits it back on to his plate.
Milo: “No, Morris, no! They’re beans, Morris! Beans!” He turns to me. “He thinks they’re deer poop.”
Milo: “Okay mom, I have Flip Bear. You have Ninja Turtle.”
Morris: “Nooooo! I want Ninja Turtle.”
Me: “Sounds like Morris wants it more than I do, Milo.”
Milo, running upstairs. “Okay — I’ll get you something else.” He stops halfway up the stairs. “Mom? Do you want Stabber Bunny?”
Me: “Sure. I’ll take Stabber Bunny.”
Milo: “Actually, his name is Electricity Ear. Because he can shoot bolts of electricity out of his ears. And if he shoots you with them then you’re dead a thousand and a billion times over.”
Me: “Well, okay then.”
Me: “Can you imagine breaking open an egg and finding an alligator inside?”
Morris: “Yeah!”
Me: “What would you do?”
Morris: “I would take it out and hug it.”
Me: “Aww, that would be so cute.”
Morris: “Then I would take off its head and pants. HA HA HA!”
Me: “Okay, now that wouldn’t be so cute.”
Morris rolls his eyes. “I just pretending, Mom.”
Morris: “Mommy, you sing the alphabet song.”
Me: “A B C D E F G, H I J K L M N O P. Q R S, T U V, W, X, Y and Z. Now I know my ABCs, next time won’t you sing with me?”
Morris: “Now my turn!”
Me: “Okay! Let’s here it.”
Morris: “A B C D E L M N O poo poo!”
Milo, pointing his fork at me at the dinner table: “Ultra-power level blaster! Pew pew pew!”
I pretend to die.
Milo: “You’re alive!”
I open my eyes.
Morris: “You’re dead.”
I close my eyes.
Milo: “You’re alive!”
I open my eyes.
Morris: “You’re dead.”
I close my eyes.
Milo: “ALIVE!”
I open my eyes.
Morris: “DEAD!”
I close my eyes.
Milo: “ALIVE!!!”
I open my eyes.
Morris: “DEAD!!!”
Me: “Ouch! Too much shouting! I don’t want to play this game any more, it’s hurting my ears.”
Milo: “I was just trying to get you to eat your lasagna.”
Morris: “Yeah, missy! Eat your dinner!”
At the dinner table, as we eat pasta with meatballs…
Morris: “Mommy, can I drive it?”
Me: ???
Morris: “Mommy, can I drive it?”
Me: “Can you drive it?”
Morris: “Yeah!”
Me: “Drive what, sweetie?”
Morris: “Drive the chicken!”
Me: “Um, sure. But where is the chicken?”
Morris, pointing all over the room: “There and there and there and there and there and there and there! HA HA HA HA HA!”
Overheard from downstairs…
Milo: “Punch the poo! Punch it! Punch it!”
Morris: “Mommy, what’s in that Kinder egg?”
Me: “I think that might be full of candy.”
Morris: “Candy?”
Me: “Yeah, I think Daddy bought it for when you go pee on the potty.”
Morris: “Mommy, can you get me naked? I want to go pee on the potty RIGHT NOW!”
Me: “Okay, sure.”
Morris, walking back downstairs: “Pee! Yeah! In my potty! Yay!”
A minute later, Milo: “Dad! You’d better get some candy!”
Morris: “Mommy? You awake?”
Me: “Mmm hmm.”
Morris: “Knock knock.”
Me: “Who’s there?”
Morris: “Robin.”
Me: “Robin who?”
Morris: “Robin laid an egg, Batmobile lost a wheel and Joker played ballet. HA HA HA HA HA!”
