And so betwixt them both they licked the platter clean.
Morris: “Mommy, I wish the earth was made of meat because then I would eat it all up!”
Milo: “I wish it was made of broccoli. Yeah, delicious broccoli. Yum!”
Cue the Exorcist theme
Morris: “Mommy, I wish our heads could turn around and around.”
Me: “You mean, all the way around in a circle?”
Morris: “Uh huh. They only go from side to side. That’s too bad.”
Me: “Why would you want your head to turn around in the circle?”
Morris: “So I could see if any bad guys are sneaking up on me.”
Anything to get out of eating his asparagus
Milo: “Mommy, I have three stomachs.”
Me: “Wow. Really?”
Milo: “Uh huh. The one that only eats healthy food is totally full. The one that only eats milk is almost totally full. But the one that eats dessert is still hungry.”
You can see how he might have confused the two
Morris: “Mommy, you’re so dumb.”
Me: “Morris! No more calling people dumb — it’s not nice! The next time you do it you get an automatic timeout, do you understand?”
Morris: “Mommy, I forgot that I wanted to say ‘I love you.'”
Beauty and the Beast
Milo, singing: “Be our guest, be our guest, be our guest!”
Me: “Why? What’s in it for me?”
Milo: “Um…”
Me: “Do I get to wear a fancy dress?”
Milo: “No.”
Me: “Do I get to eat beautiful meals at a long table?”
Milo: “No.”
Me: “Do I get to dance with a handsome stranger?”
Milo: “No.”
Me: “You’re not making it very appealing, dude.”
Milo: “Well, we have toilets.”
Their mews are worse than their bite
Morris: “ROAR!!!”
Me: “Meh.”
Milo: “ROOOOAR!!!”
Me: “Meh.”
Morris: “ROOOOOOOARRRR!!!”
Me: “Meh.”
Milo: “RRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOARRRR!!!”
Me: “Meh.”
Morris, whispering: “Mew.”
Me: “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!”
Both boys: HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA!
I just got schooled on effective communication by a three-year-old
Morris: “Here, Mommy, try some of my pie.”
Me: “Mmmm… it is pretty yummy.”
Morris: “Why you’d say pretty?”
Me: “Because it’s yummy, and… well… um… you’re right. I didn’t need to include the ‘pretty.’ I should have just said yummy.”
Morris nods. “Then you can say, YUMMY YUMMY YUMMY!”
And the Moral of the Story Is…
Morris: “Mom, what would you do if I pooped on the roof of a house?”
Me: “I’d make you clean it up.”
Morris: “Would you hold me?”
Me: “Nope.”
Morris: “But what if I fell?”
Me: “If you didn’t fall while pooping, I guess you wouldn’t fall while cleaning it up.”
Morris: “But it’s a long way down!”
Me: “Guess you should have thought of that before you went poop up there.”
Morris: “What if I pooped on the roof of a car?”
Me: “I’d still make you clean it up.”
Morris: “What if the car was moving? I’d go roll roll roll splat in the middle of the street. And blood would be everywhere.”
Milo: “Then she’d be REALLY mad at you.”
One letter makes a world of difference
Morris, watching Milo play a new video game: “What… the… duck?”
Bah humbug
Morris, standing in the doorway and waving as his grandparents leave to go home after their visit: “Goodbye! I hope you get coal in your stocking!”
