Morris: “Natalie is going to marry Daniel and I’m not invited to the wedding.”
Me: “Well, I think it’s going to be a long, long, long time before that marriage actually takes place, so you never know what will happen. You might still get an invite yet.”
Morris: “And when she and Daniel break up, then I’ll marry her!”
Me: “I thought you wanted to marry me.”
Morris: “I changed my mind. I’m going to marry… MILO!”
Milo: “Hey Mom, imagine if I had a million teeth and they all fell out at once and there were so many of them they filled the entire house, and the Tooth Fairy came and was like, ‘What the HECK?’ and she gave me a toy for every tooth and so I had every Lego set that was ever made and so much money I was a billionaire. Wouldn’t that be AWESOME?”
Me: Well, you were borne out of the love Daddy and I have for each other.”
Morris: “HUH?”
Me: “Your daddy and I loved each other and then, BAM! There you were.”
Morris: “How did I come out of your belly?”
Milo pulls up his shirt, examines his belly button. “Did his head just pop out and start looking around and you saw it and went, ‘Aaaaagh! There’s a head coming out of my belly!?'”
Milo comes downstairs carrying his trumpet. “Yay!” I think. “That’s my boy, exploring his natural inclination for music.”
He examines the trumpet carefully for a few seconds, fingering the buttons, then aims it at me. “Set for extreme flame-throwing. Chik! Chik! PSSHHHHHHHHH!!!!”
Milo: “X is the baddest kid in my class because he says the A-word twice a day.”
Morris: “What’s the A-word?”
Me: “Really? Why does he do that?”
Milo: “I don’t know. But he says he learned it from his Nana.”
Morris: “What’s the A-word???”
Me: “Well, sweetie, I have a secret to tell you…”
Morris: “WHAT’S THE A-WORD????”
Me: “Sometimes grownups like to say words that are considered naughty. It doesn’t make them bad people, though. It just means they have a lazy vocabulary.”
Morris: “A-WORD!!! A-WORD!!! A-WORD!!! I’M SAYING THE A-WORD!!!”
Milo holds up a stuffed monkey and a stuffed panda. “These are the Lava Leaders.”
Me: “Really.”
Milo: “Uh huh. They can fly and they’re super strong. Phew! Phew! No — wait — they’re the Lava LORDS. That means they’re invincible. Plus, they’re made of lava. And if you’re a bad guy who escapes from jail, they’ll throw you into the ocean and the squids and octopuses and sharks will eat you up.”
