Morris, for the millionth time this week: “I’M SEXY AND I KNOW IT AND I’M NOT AFRAID TO SHOW IT!!!”
Me: “I know! I know you’re not afraid to show it!”
Morris: “… AND I’M NOT AFRAID TO POOP IT!”
Me: “Okay, that I didn’t know.”
From Milo:
“This is kind of like sewing but with killing stuff.”
“Mom, can I hit you over the head with my super soft dagger thingy?”
“Morris, you know why I chose wood? Because wood is the mind drainer. If I put these on different parts of your body they drain all your powers.”
… And Morris:
Me: “Morris! My sweetie! I’m so happy to see you!”
Morris: “Mommy NOOOOOOOO!”
Me: “What?”
Morris: “Don’t hug me!”
Me: “Why on earth would I want to hug YOU? You’re too prickly!”
Me: “Kiss you??? Bleah! No way — you taste like moldy fruit! Moldy, stinky fruit! Yuck!”
An evil gleam glints in his eyes and he starts to chase me, lips puckered in full smooch position. After finding me surprisingly easy to catch he wraps his arms around me and plants a big wet one right on my cheek.
… Mission accomplished.
Morris: “I know what ‘Yo Momma’ is upside down.”
Me: “???”
Morris: “Momma yo!”
Milo: “Mom, I hope that what happened to Batman’s parents when he was a kid doesn’t happen to you and Dad.”
Me: “Me too, pal. Me too.”
Morris: “Mom, you’re the wickedest mom I know.”
Me: “Um, do you mean wicked as in, ‘this pizza is wicked!’ or ‘the Wicked Witch of the West?'”
Morris: “Pizza wicked!”
Me: “Phew.”
1. “Now I just need to find someone to love.”
2. “Ooooh! My brain just got bigger!”
3. “Awww… I just had babies! Look at how cute they are!”
Milo: “Mom, I could kill you. But I never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever will.”
Me: “Right back atcha, bud.”
Morris comes running into our upstairs bathroom, where I’ve just stepped out of the shower. “Mom! Stay in here for a long time!”
Me: “I can’t — I need to get dressed.”
Morris: “Okay, but don’t look at me.”
Me: “All right. I won’t look at you.”
Morris: “I’m going to get dressed.”
Me: “Sounds good.”
Morris, whispering: “And I’m going to jump on your bed.”
Me: “Sweetie, you know that if I see you jumping on my bed, I’m going to tell you to stop.”
Morris: “That’s why I told you not to look at me!”
Morris: “Mommy, come here. I want to give you a big kiss. Hee hee hee hee hee.”
Me: “You’re going to lick me, aren’t you?”
Morris. “No! Hee hee hee hee hee! I’m going to kiss you! Hee hee hee hee!”
Me: “I don’t trust you.”
Morris: “I promise! I’m serious mysterious! I’m going to kiss you! Hee hee hee hee hee!”
Me: “… Okay.”
Morris: SLURP.
Me: “Arrrrrrrgh!”
Morris: “HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA!”
