Morris: “Mommy, what’s in that Kinder egg?”
Me: “I think that might be full of candy.”
Morris: “Candy?”
Me: “Yeah, I think Daddy bought it for when you go pee on the potty.”
Morris: “Mommy, can you get me naked? I want to go pee on the potty RIGHT NOW!”
Me: “Okay, sure.”
Morris, walking back downstairs: “Pee! Yeah! In my potty! Yay!”
A minute later, Milo: “Dad! You’d better get some candy!”
Milo, playing with some matching memory cards… “Mom, what’s five plus six?”
Me: “Eleven.”
Milo: “That means I can only use the swimming butterfly card 11 times.”
Me: “Oh? Why?”
Milo: “Because it has triple fire power and is really dangerous so you can only use it in times of emergencies. Blam! Pow!”
Morris: “Mommy? You awake?”
Me: “Mmm hmm.”
Morris: “Knock knock.”
Me: “Who’s there?”
Morris: “Robin.”
Me: “Robin who?”
Morris: “Robin laid an egg, Batmobile lost a wheel and Joker played ballet. HA HA HA HA HA!”
Milo is watching a cartoon called “Almost Naked Animals.”
Me: “Milo, I gotta tell you, this show is pretty weird.”
Milo laughs. “I know! I really like it too.”
Morris, standing naked and wrapped in a sheepskin: “I’m Animan!”
Me: “Animan?”
Morris nods. “Who’s Animan?”
Me: “I don’t know, but he sounds like he’s half man, half animal. Are you Animan?”
Morris laughs. “No! I’m just a normal poop.”
Morris: “Milo, these are zombies?”
Milo: “Yes. And in zombie, ‘brain’ means ‘hi.'”
Morris: “‘Brain’ means ‘hi?'”
Milo: “Yes. And ‘brain brain’ means ‘hug.’ And ‘brain brain brain’ means ‘let’s eat ice cream.'”
Morris: “Yeah! Ice cream!”
Morris: “Do you know the Muffin Man?”
Rob: “The Muffin Man? Sure, I know him. Do you know the Muffin Man?”
Morris: “Yeah. His name is Butt Pants.”
Milo: “When I grow up I’m gonna invent an awakenator. It’s a machine that keeps people awake all night long and they’re not even sleepy the next day.”
Me: “Dude, invent that and you’ll make a billion dollars. So long as it doesn’t have any unforeseen negative side effects.”
Milo: “All right! But first I need to become a mad scientist. It’s my JOB.”
Me: “Okay, then.”
Milo: “And I’m going to need some of the stuff around this house. Like the fridge… and the oven… and the toaster.”
Milo: “Mom, if someone ever kills you make sure you keep your eyes open because that will look really creepy and I’ll say, ‘Aaaagh! That’s really creepy!'”
Milo, turning in circles in the kitchen, sings: “I can do whatever I want because I’m free in Canada. I’m free in Canada and can do whatever I want. I can do whatever I want because I’m free in Canada.”
