Morris: “I feel like an idiot!”
Me: “Don’t feel like an idiot — feel like a genius!”
Morris: “I feel like a genius poo!”
Me: “Don’t feel like a genius poo — feel like a genius MAD SCIENTIST. That sounds like much more fun!”
Morris: “I feel like a GENIUS MAD SCIENTIST POO!”
Morris, for the millionth time this week: “I’M SEXY AND I KNOW IT AND I’M NOT AFRAID TO SHOW IT!!!”
Me: “I know! I know you’re not afraid to show it!”
Morris: “… AND I’M NOT AFRAID TO POOP IT!”
Me: “Okay, that I didn’t know.”
Morris, rapping: “I am Mister Poop, yeah, I am Mister Poop! I’m the king of Poop Land, that’s why they call me Mister Poop!”
Morris: “Mommy, do you know what Daddy plus Daddy equals?”
Me: “Nope.”
Morris: “Daddy plus Daddy equals Mommy! And Mommy plus Mommy equals Morris!”
Me: “I’m not sure you’ve got your figures straight.”
Morris: “And poo plus poo equals diarrhea!”
Me: “Um, I don’t think I like where this is going…”
Milo: “NO, Morris. Poo plus pee equals diarrhea. Everyone knows that!”
Morris: “What’s going to work? Poopy work! What’s going to work? Poopy work!”
Morris: “Mom, what would you do if I pooped on the roof of a house?”
Me: “I’d make you clean it up.”
Morris: “Would you hold me?”
Me: “Nope.”
Morris: “But what if I fell?”
Me: “If you didn’t fall while pooping, I guess you wouldn’t fall while cleaning it up.”
Morris: “But it’s a long way down!”
Me: “Guess you should have thought of that before you went poop up there.”
Morris: “What if I pooped on the roof of a car?”
Me: “I’d still make you clean it up.”
Morris: “What if the car was moving? I’d go roll roll roll splat in the middle of the street. And blood would be everywhere.”
Milo: “Then she’d be REALLY mad at you.”
Milo, speaking to himself in the back of the car: “Seth… that’s a weird name. Seth, Seth, Seth… Seth, the EVIL CHILD of DOOM.”
[Pause.]
Milo: “No, that’s a bad name.”
Me: “You think Seth, the Evil Child of Doom is a bad name? I’m surprised.”
Milo: “No, Poopy Bum Baby Butt is a bad name. Seth the Evil Child of Doom is a GREAT name.”
Morris: “Know what I did in my potty?”
Morris: “Know what I did in my diaper?”
Milo: “Mom, if you were a mouth without a body, and you were eating, then you’d go chew chew chew gulp and then the food would just fall out. And it would be poo. Yep, chew and poo, that’s what you’d do.”
