The scary thing is, on some level I’m sure he’s right
Morris: “Mommy. Mommy. Mommy. Mommy! MOMMY!!!”
Me: “Yes?”
Morris: “You’re a chopstick.”
Nonsense and Non Sequiturs
I thought he was going to say, “chicken”
Morris, holding up a rotini impaled on his fork: “This is a slug.”
Me: “Oh, really.”
He eats the noodle then stabs another one and holds it up. “This is a slug, too.”
Me: “Ooooh, that’s a green one. What do green slugs taste like?”
Milo: “Like poo.”
Morris smiles and pops the rotini in his mouth.
Me: “So? What did it taste like?”
Morris: “Strawberries!”
If it were that easy, weight loss wouldn’t be a billion dollar industry
Morris: “Mommy, can I have a snack?”
Me: “No, you already had a snack. You had that graham cracker.”
Morris: “I don’t want a graham cracker!”
Me: “But it’s already in your belly.”
Morris: “Then get it out!”
Me: “How?”
Morris: “First we screw my belly, then we hammer it, then we open it up and take it out.”
Me: “All right, then, you get the screwdriver and the hammer and we’ll get right on that.”
He sees poultry people
At the dinner table, as we eat pasta with meatballs…
Morris: “Mommy, can I drive it?”
Me: ???
Morris: “Mommy, can I drive it?”
Me: “Can you drive it?”
Morris: “Yeah!”
Me: “Drive what, sweetie?”
Morris: “Drive the chicken!”
Me: “Um, sure. But where is the chicken?”
Morris, pointing all over the room: “There and there and there and there and there and there and there! HA HA HA HA HA!”
Weird = Awesome
Milo is watching a cartoon called “Almost Naked Animals.”
Me: “Milo, I gotta tell you, this show is pretty weird.”
Milo laughs. “I know! I really like it too.”
A typical car conversation
Morris: “Mommy?”
Me: “Yes?”
Morris: “Where’s my Mommy?”
Me: “Uhhh, I’m up here in the front seat driving the car you’re riding in.”
Morris: “Where’s my Daddy?”
Me: “He’s at the library, working.”
Morris: “Where’s my Milo?”
Me: “He’s sitting in the passenger seat beside you.”
Milo: “YEAH! With my elf shoes that are really ninja choppers. Shing! Shing! Shing!”
At least it wasn’t an elephant?
Morris: “I have a rhinoceros in my ear.”
Me: “Really? That must be the smallest rhinoceros in the world.”
Morris: “No! It’s big!”
Milo: “Maybe he chopped its horns off first. Yeah! Ninja baby with swords! Shing! Shing! Shing! I’d love that. That would be AWESOME.”
Well, I suppose it’s better than “Grunt” or “Adolph”
Morris: “Mommy, what’s your name?”
Me: “My name is Erin.”
Morris: “No! What’s Daddy’s name?”
Me: “His name is Robert.”
Morris: “What’s Milo’s name?”
Me: “His name is Milo.”
Morris: “What’s my name?”
Me: “Your name is Morris.”
Morris: “No! My name is Glee!”
Me: “Your name is Glee?”
Morris: “Yes! GLEEEEEEEE!”
Me: “Well, okay then.”
A typical dinnertime conversation
Me (fist bumping with Milo and Morris): “Wonder Twin powers, activate!”
Milo: “Wonder Twin Powers, pizzavate!”
Morris: “Wonder Toon Power, bongo bake!”
Rob: “You guys are weird.”
Sure hope it was before the expiration date
Morris: “Mommy, we bought you.” .
Me: “You bought me?”
Morris: “Mm hmm.”
Me: “Like, in the grocery store?”
Morris: “Mm hmm.”
Me: “Did you buy me in the fruit and vegetables section or the cheese section?”
Morris: “The cheese section.”
Me: “That’s what I figured.”
