A matter of scientific inquiry
Overheard from the bathroom upstairs…
“Hey Dad! Guess how hard I can smack my butt!”
SMACK.
“Ow!!!”
Life is a Punchline
At least he’s secure about his masculinity
Morris: “Mommy, look at my bouncy ball. It has all sorts of nice colours in it. Even pink. I like pink!”
Me: “Yep, nothing wrong with pink.”
Morris: “I like pink a LOT. It’s my favourite colour.”
Me: “Really.” (I’m somewhat surprised, given that his favourite colour for the past few weeks has been black.)
Morris: “Yep.”
Me: “Guess we’d better get you more pink stuff, then.”
Morris: “Uhhh… okay.”
Me: “What would you like? A pink shirt? Pink pants? Pink shoes?”
Morris: “How about a pink sword? That would be so cool!”
He’s more of a “talk it out” kind of guy
Me: “The night Max made mischief of one kind and another, his mother called him ‘WILD THING!’ and Max said, ‘I’LL EAT YOU UP!’ so he was sent to bed without eating anything.”
Milo: “That is SUCH bad parenting.”
Cue Inigo Montoya
Morris, riding his scooter up the street as we walk Milo to the bus stop: “I’M SEXY AND I KNOW IT! I’M SEXY AND I KNOW IT! I’VE GOT PASSION IN MY PANTS AND I’M NOT AFRAID TO SHOW IT! I’M SEXY AND I KNOW IT! I’VE GOT PASSION IN MY PANTS AND I’M NOT AFRAID TO SHOW IT, SHOW IT!”
Milo, rolling his eyes: “He’s soooooooo complicated.”
At least he didn’t choose Max Power
Morris: “Bopalee, bopaloo, bopalee, bopaloo…”
Me: “I like your singing, Morris.”
Morris: “My name is not Morris anymore.”
Me: “It’s not?”
Morris: “No! It’s STORM.”
Me: “Really.”
Morris: “Uh huh. I’m SERIOUS.”
Me: “…”
Morris: “Why are you laughing?”
Little pitchers have big mouths
Milo: “X is the baddest kid in my class because he says the A-word twice a day.”
Morris: “What’s the A-word?”
Me: “Really? Why does he do that?”
Milo: “I don’t know. But he says he learned it from his Nana.”
Morris: “What’s the A-word???”
Me: “Well, sweetie, I have a secret to tell you…”
Morris: “WHAT’S THE A-WORD????”
Me: “Sometimes grownups like to say words that are considered naughty. It doesn’t make them bad people, though. It just means they have a lazy vocabulary.”
Morris: “A-WORD!!! A-WORD!!! A-WORD!!! I’M SAYING THE A-WORD!!!”
Walked right into that one
Morris: “Mommy, what does nyess spell?”
Me: “Um, nothing.”
Morris: “Nest is a word.”
Me: “Yep, that’s where birdies live.”
Morris: “Do Chinese people say ‘nest?'”
Me: “Sure. But they have a different word for it.”
Morris: “Maybe it’s pocka-doo-doo-diaper-bum.”
Me: “Sure. Maybe it’s pocka-doo-doo-diaper-bum.”
Morris: “Ha! ha! You said potty talk!”
Beauty and the Beast
Milo, singing: “Be our guest, be our guest, be our guest!”
Me: “Why? What’s in it for me?”
Milo: “Um…”
Me: “Do I get to wear a fancy dress?”
Milo: “No.”
Me: “Do I get to eat beautiful meals at a long table?”
Milo: “No.”
Me: “Do I get to dance with a handsome stranger?”
Milo: “No.”
Me: “You’re not making it very appealing, dude.”
Milo: “Well, we have toilets.”
One letter makes a world of difference
Morris, watching Milo play a new video game: “What… the… duck?”
Can’t believe I got stumped by a three-year-old… AGAIN
Morris: “Mommy, guess what’s behind my back?”
Me: “A ball?”
Morris: “No! It has flat parts.”
Me: “A monster?”
Morris: “No! I TOLD you it has flat parts.”
Me: “A book?”
Morris: “Noooo.”
Me: “A picture?”
Morris: “Noooo.”
Me: “A piece of paper?”
Morris: “No. I’ll give you a hint. It’s white and fluffy.”
Me: “So it’s white and fluffy and flat?”
Morris: “Yep!”
… Can you guess what it was?
(Hint: Two minutes later he asks me, “Mmmphy! Gueff whap I haff i my mouf???”)
