Morris: “Mommy, I love you.”
Me: “Yay!”
Morris: “Just a little bit.”
Me: “What? You only love me a little bit?”
Morris: “Just a little little bit.”
Me: “Oh, boo hoo hoo hoo hoo.”
Morris: “Don’t cry, Mommy! I love you a lotsa bit.
Milo: “Mommy, guess what you are?”
Me: “Um, your mother?”
Milo: “No.”
Me: “A stellar role model?”
Milo: “No.”
Me: “A scintillating conversationalist?”
Milo: “No.”
Me: “An international super spy?”
Milo: “No. Give up?”
Me: “Yep.”
Milo: “You’re SEXY!”
Me: “Oh, really?”
Milo: “YEAH! … What does sexy mean?”
I’m drying Milo off after his bath…
Milo: “Ow! Careful with my nut crack!”
Me: “… Milo, did you just say ‘nut crack?'”
Milo: “Yeah.”
Me: “……”
Milo: “What? That’s where I crack nuts! I just stick them between my legs and go ‘Grrr!’ and they crack.”
Me: “……”
Milo: “Seriously, Mom. That’s what happens.”
Milo: “Mom, if you were a piece of toast, you know what I’d do?”
Me: “Uhhh… nope.”
Milo: “I would dip you in love sauce.”
Morris, while doing naked interpretive ballet during the singing of the pre-game national anthem: “My feet are geekin’! My feet are geekin’!”
Me: “You’re handsome.”
Morris: “No.”
Me: “You’re cute.”
Morris: “No, I NOT cute.”
Me: “You’re goooooood-lookin’.”
Morris: “No!”
Me: “You’re a little hunk.”
Morris, standing up: “I NOT a little hunk! I’m a BIG hunk!”
Milo: “Can I make my list now?”
Me: “What list?”
Milo: “My list for Santa.”
Me: “But you already told Santa what you wanted.”
Milo: “But there are more things I want!”
Me: “It’s too late. Santa’s flying tomorrow — he doesn’t have time to make more presents.”
Milo: “Can I open one of the presents under the tree, then? It’ll make me feel better.”
Me: “For the last time, no!”
Morris: “Ha ha, Mommy, you funny.”
Me, tired after chasing two naked little boys around the house: “Come on, it’s bath time! Upstairs now, or else!”
Milo, pauses halfway up the stairs and looks back down at me: “Or else what?”
Me: “Or else I’ll squeeze that little bum of yours until it pops like a pimple.”
Milo appraises me thoughtfully. “Do it.”
Overheard from downstairs:
Milo: “If you want a girl to like you, you’ve got to smack her on the bum.”
Rob: “I don’t think that’s the way it works.”
Milo: “Yes, it is! She’ll scream ‘Eeeee!’ and then hug you so hard you’ll explode, that’s what.”
Morris, jumping on my bed as I try to work: “I’m a naked dude! I’m a naked dude! I rock and roll!”
