Morris: “Mommy, come watch the Bubble Guppies video with me!”
Me: “After I finish the dishes, sweetie.”
Milo: “I’ll watch it with you.”
Morris: “Okay!”
Milo: “But if it has any guys butt wiggling, I’m running upstairs to hide in my room!”
Me: “Wait a minute — YOU’RE scared of a little butt wiggling?”
Milo: “YES! BUTT WIGGLING IS VERY, VERY SCARY.”
Me: “You have honestly shocked me.”
This is what happens every day when Morris comes home from daycare…
Morris: “Mom, DON’T FREAK OUT.”
Me: “Oh. Hi, Morris. You’re home.”
Morris: “Okay, you can freak out now.”
Me: “YAY! MY SWEETIE BUM IS HOME!!! I MISSED YOU SO MUCH!”
Morris: “I knew you would say that.”
Milo: “Mom, can I paralyse you? I have to give you three kisses to unparalyse you so…”
Me: “Guess you’d better paralyse me, then.”
Milo: “Mom, you’re really advanced technology.”
Me: “Really? How’d you figure?”
Milo: “Because you’re so awesome.”
Me: “Morris! My sweetie! I’m so happy to see you!”
Morris: “Mommy NOOOOOOOO!”
Me: “What?”
Morris: “Don’t hug me!”
Me: “Why on earth would I want to hug YOU? You’re too prickly!”
Me: “Kiss you??? Bleah! No way — you taste like moldy fruit! Moldy, stinky fruit! Yuck!”
An evil gleam glints in his eyes and he starts to chase me, lips puckered in full smooch position. After finding me surprisingly easy to catch he wraps his arms around me and plants a big wet one right on my cheek.
… Mission accomplished.
Morris: “Mom, you’re the wickedest mom I know.”
Me: “Um, do you mean wicked as in, ‘this pizza is wicked!’ or ‘the Wicked Witch of the West?'”
Morris: “Pizza wicked!”
Me: “Phew.”
Morris: “Natalie is going to marry Daniel and I’m not invited to the wedding.”
Me: “Well, I think it’s going to be a long, long, long time before that marriage actually takes place, so you never know what will happen. You might still get an invite yet.”
Morris: “And when she and Daniel break up, then I’ll marry her!”
Me: “I thought you wanted to marry me.”
Morris: “I changed my mind. I’m going to marry… MILO!”
Milo: “Not going to happen, dude.”
Morris: “Mommy, I love you.”
Me: “I love you too, my wonderful boy.”
Morris: “I want to marry you.”
Me: “You do? Why?”
Morris shrugs. “I dunno. I just feel like it.”
Me: “Well, you know, if I wasn’t way older than you, and, you know, your mom…”
Rob: “And, ahem, already married to ME.”
Me: “Well, there is that, too.”
Morris: “Mommy, remember when I said I hated you?”
Me: “No…”
Morris: “You know, when I said I hated you?”
Me: “Not ringing a bell.”
Morris: “That time? When I said I HATED you?”
Me: “Still not remembering.”
Morris: “Oh. Well, I said I hated you. But I was just joking.”
Me: “Phew.”
Milo: “Mommy, do you think I only care about myself?”
Me: “No! I think you care about Morris, and me, and Daddy, and your grandparents, and your friends. I think you hold a lot of people in your heart.”
Milo: “Well, that’s true, but can you guess what else I like?”
Me: “Um, Santa?”
Milo: “Well, yeah, but that’s not what I was thinking. Guess what else I care about?”
Me: “I give up. Tell me.”
Milo: NOODLES!!!
—————
Morris: “Mommy, do you think I only care about myself?”
Me: “No! I think you also hold a lot of people in your heart.”
Morris: “You’re wrong.”
Me: “So you’re saying you do only care about yourself?”
Morris: “Yep!”
