Poor thing never had a chance
Morris: “Milo, whatcha drawing?”
Milo: “A T-Rex fighting a unicorn. That’s you riding on the T-Rex’s back.”
Morris: “OH YEAH! Unicorn, you’re going down!”
Brothers in Arms
A call for stricter imaginary gun laws
Milo and Morris are at the breakfast table, building guns. Morris hands me an attached assortment of building blocks. “Here’s your gun, Mommy.”
I aim it at him and start shooting. “Pew! Pew! Pew!” Then I shoot Milo. “Pew! Pew! Pew”
Morris: “But Mom, we’re your sons!”
Me: “That’s why I’m shooting love bullets.”
Morris aims his gun at me. “I’m shooting BOMB bullets.”
Me: “But I’m your mom!”
Morris: “Duck!”
I duck. He shoots over my shoulder. “Boom!” Then he looks at the cupboard behind me. “Uh oh. I broke a glass.”
Science class has taught him so much
Milo: “Squinching Morris is part of my life cycle.”
A kiss by any other name
Milo and Morris are laughing as they wrestle each other on the couch.
Milo: “You’d better not kiss me again!”
Morris: “I’m not. I’m just going to put my lips on your lips.”
Milo: “Okay. Wait… That’s a kiss! Aaaaaagh!”
Morris: “Ha ha ha ha ha!”
Random quotes overheard while getting ready for school this morning
From Milo:
“This is kind of like sewing but with killing stuff.”
“Mom, can I hit you over the head with my super soft dagger thingy?”
“Morris, you know why I chose wood? Because wood is the mind drainer. If I put these on different parts of your body they drain all your powers.”
… And Morris:
“I need something really sharp.” — as he rummages through the cutlery drawer.
“Take my power! Take it! Take it! TAKE IT!!!”
Cry havoc and let loose the dudes of war
Milo and Morris come running into my room without their shirts on.
Milo: “Morris is Invincible Boy and I’m Invincible Man.”
Me: “I see.”
Milo shows me the missile he’s drawn on his arm. “See this? It means I’m strong and quick. Pew! Pew!”
Morris: “And I can wiggle my belly!” He starts rolling his abdominal muscles. “When I pull it back, water comes out! Sssssssh!!!”
Me: “What, out of your belly button?”
Morris nods vigorously. “And fire comes out the top part. So you’d better stay away from me!”
Me: “Oh I will, Invincible Boy. I will.”
And so betwixt them both they licked the platter clean.
Morris: “Mommy, I wish the earth was made of meat because then I would eat it all up!”
Milo: “I wish it was made of broccoli. Yeah, delicious broccoli. Yum!”
Incontrovertible proof that reincarnation exists
Morris: “Once I got roll-dozered and I died but then I turned into a boy named Morris. Not Milo. Because he’s my older brother. Right, Milo?”
Milo sticks his foot into the air: “‘Right,’ says my stinky sock monster!”
I think he was hoping for a different answer
Heard from outside…
Milo: “Hey, Morris! You wanna play ‘stab the Morris?'”
Morris: “NO.”
Carl Sagan would be proud
Milo: “Morris, you’re the nicest Morris in the entire universe. And in the entire multiverse, too.”
