Super Bad
Morris: “Hey Mom! When you’re done working, do you want to play Super Bad Bros? I mean, Super Bad Brother and Sister?”
Me: “YES. So long as I get to be the super baddest of them all.”
Morris: “YEAH! SUPER BAD BROS!!!”
Bad Guys Abound
Hindsight is 20/20, dude
Milo: “Mom, do NOT pull this trigger.”
Me: “Oh? Why?”
Milo: “It’s a galaxy blower-upper. It blows up entire galaxies… Oh, why did I make a galaxy blower-upper? Now our entire galaxy is in DANGER!”
Just another evening in little boy land
Morris: “Mom, you want to play with me?”
Me: “Okay.”
Morris: “Great! I have water power and you have fire power. Let’s go fight the ghost!”
Me: “There’s a ghost in the house?”
Morris: “It’s actually a ghost monster. First it’s a monster but then when we beat it, it turns into a ghost.”
Me: “Sounds dangerous.”
Morris: “Come on, Mom! I mean, Sister! Let’s go fight it!”
Me: “Okay!”
We walk into the kitchen.
Morris: “There it is! Can you see it, Sister?”
Me: “Yep. Looks nasty.”
Morris: “Let’s get it! Fire bombs! Pssshttttt!”
Me: “Fire bombs! Pew! Pew! Pew!”
Morris: “Oh. Wait. I have fire power, too. I have fire power AND water power.”
Me: “Okay.”
Morris: “Steam bombs! Pssshttttt!”
Me: “Fire bombs! Pew! Pew! Pew!”
Morris: “Look, Mom! I mean, Sister! He went downstairs! Let’s get him!”
Me: “Let’s do it!”
Morris: “Shhhh… He’s sleeping. Don’t make a sound.”
Me: “My lips are sealed.”
Morris: “Oops. We woke him up.”
Me: “Better get him then, before he gets us.”
Morris: “Fire bombs! Steam bombs! Water blaster!”
Me: “Lava hands!”
Morris: “Look, Mom. I mean, Sister. We got him!”
Me: “Yay! Good riddance, mean old ghost monster.”
Morris: “I just took a piece of him and ate him. And he tasted like cotton candy!”
Me: “Makes sense.”
Morris: “Oops! I ate him all. You can eat his ghost army.”
Me: “Mmm… delicious ghost army.”
Morris: “Uh oh… I just heard a giant! He’s in the kitchen! Come on. Mom! I mean, Sister!”
The hills are alive with the sound of death machines
Milo comes downstairs carrying his trumpet. “Yay!” I think. “That’s my boy, exploring his natural inclination for music.”
He examines the trumpet carefully for a few seconds, fingering the buttons, then aims it at me. “Set for extreme flame-throwing. Chik! Chik! PSSHHHHHHHHH!!!!”
… Apparently it also has a bazooka setting.
Not to mention they’re so adorably fuzzy-wuzzy cute
Milo holds up a stuffed monkey and a stuffed panda. “These are the Lava Leaders.”
Me: “Really.”
Milo: “Uh huh. They can fly and they’re super strong. Phew! Phew! No — wait — they’re the Lava LORDS. That means they’re invincible. Plus, they’re made of lava. And if you’re a bad guy who escapes from jail, they’ll throw you into the ocean and the squids and octopuses and sharks will eat you up.”
Me: “Well, okay then.”
Plus they’re high in Vitamin A and Vitamin C and are a good source of dietary fibre
Milo’s running around, brandishing a long sweet potato…
“You might think you’re going to win because you have a light saber, but *I* have a potato and it’s the most powerful weapon ever because it explodes into French fries and then THEY explode into a-TOM bombs. Boom!!!”
Itchy trigger finger
Morris: “Mommy, will you play with me?”
Me: “Sure.”
He hands me a nerf gun. I pretend to shoot him with it.
Morris: “NO! We don’t shoot your chother! We’re on the same team!”
Sounds like a line item from the latest DND budget…
Milo: “Dad, dad! I’ve got super awesome news!”
Rob: “What?”
Milo: “I bought a new gun! And it cost $40,000! And it’s got 30 ammo!”
Cue the Exorcist theme
Morris: “Mommy, I wish our heads could turn around and around.”
Me: “You mean, all the way around in a circle?”
Morris: “Uh huh. They only go from side to side. That’s too bad.”
Me: “Why would you want your head to turn around in the circle?”
Morris: “So I could see if any bad guys are sneaking up on me.”
‘Tis the season to blow up bad guys, fa la la la la
Me, looking at the gingerbread house Milo made at school today: “Wow, there sure are a lot of candy bushes around your house.”
Milo: “No, those are BOMBS. If anyone tries to sneak up to the house and touches one of them they’ll explode and fly up and go into my mouth and so will the person. Hee! Hee! Hee!”
